August 28, 2008

Your Weekly Catherine

Week Thirty-Three

"Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?"

That quote has nothing to do with Catherine except that I typed 'pop quiz' and didn't stop. I bet I could come up with a bus-related Catherine question, though. Okay, imagine Dennis Hopper reading the following...

Which CSI episode featured a bus crash? And what took Catherine by surprise at the crash site?

Now for a totally unrelated photo of Marg looking foxy...

August 27, 2008

Two of my favorite things in one compelling video...

Anjelica Huston and Preventing Animal Cruelty.

Great apes, like all wild animals, need room to roam and the freedom to socialize in their natural habitats. They are not born actors, they are animals. They should never be paraded around onstage or forcibly prodded to perform on cue. I take great issue with all the Vegas acts that use tigers and lions and I take no less issue with the films that use animals like chimps and then discard them once the performance is over. Great apes are not props. They are free and wild creatures that deserve our respect and protection. Aside from the fact that Anjelica Huston is telling you not to use them in show business anymore (LISTEN TO HER), isn't it reasonable to assume that if CGI technology can realistically give us bullet time, fell beasts, and oliphant battles it can also render a pretty damn realistic chimp on demand? Is rendering a balrog so much more complex than something we actually have on the planet to observe for accuracy?

People, listen, give the planet and the animals a goddamn break here. There's nothing about our survival that requires ivory, actual tiger balm, or apes in films. If we abandon the practice of exploiting animals we not only will survive - and quite happily - but we won't constantly be digressing into ethically questionable behavior. You know what they say about serial killers: they usually start with animals. I think it's a global phenomenon. It's time to stop being such colossal dicks just because we have opposable thumbs and digital technology. Despite all our sci-fi evidence to the contrary we only actually have one planet. We might want to stop raping and pillaging it like wanton Vikings and think farther ahead than next week.

If dolphins do one day rise up and take control of the land like in that Simpsons Halloween episode, we will surely deserve our oceanic banishment. We will have earned it through millions of episodes of Flipper and hundreds of millions of hours of Sea World hoop jumping, I tell you. I really think that we can only truly start caring about each other when we start caring about the planet and animals. Abuse is a slippery slope. If you can devalue wildlife, how far are you from devaluing a person?

If you want me to stop ranting about these things, stand up and make a difference! Be heard! Adopt an SPCA pet! Refuse to rent chimp movies! Don't use tiger balm! Write your congressman! Take the bus! Cold wash your clothes!

I'll stop, but only because I want you to watch Anjelica's video about the realities of great ape abuse in show business. She doesn't devolve into ambling rants like the lunatic vampire I sometimes become. She's an eloquent and powerful speaker. So watch it. And do what she says.