April 25, 2008

Kiss Me Deadly: 25 Best Big-Screen Bad Girls

Entertainment Weekly, being the bastion of accurate journalism that they are, has published a list of their picks for the 25 best feature film bad girls. Anjelica Huston's savvy and twisted con Lilly Dillon, from The Grifters, slides coolly into the mix alongside such expected entries as Sharon Stone's ice-pick loving Catherine Tramell and the obligatory Angelina Jolie pick (this time it's Grendel's mom from the quasi-animated Beowulf). While I'm hardly disputing Anjelica's rightful place on the list - Anjelica invented steely perversion with Lilly Dillon while Angelina Jolie was still in grade school - and while I applaud entries such as Angela Lansbury in The Manchurian Candidate and Faye Dunaway in Chinatown, I do take issue with EW's slacker-stoner approach to fact finding. It's not as though they're publishing a minute-by-minute account of a foreign coup in action or explaining rocket science in layman's terms, you know? It's tabloid journalism without the gossip. It's basically scrolling lazily through IMDb and picking a topic to wax nostalgic about. It's populist Hollywood film lore, for god sakes. And Entertainment Weekly's entire raison d'etre is film lore and tabloid journalism. That's why they exist. So why, then, can they not get even the most basic of facts correct? I may be randomly surfing but I'm not yet brain dead. Though if EW has their way, I soon will be. I'm surprised they didn't compose the article in LOLCAT speak. How quaint would that have been?

The three things that specifically jumped out and irked me while I was browsing the gallery are:

1) The photo of Lilly Dillon is labeled as 'Angelica_Houston_Grifters_1'. There are five Hustons in Hollywood and three of them are still alive and active so why in hell can't you at least spell the fucking family name correctly?

2) Under Kim Basinger's entry for portraying L.A. Confidential's Lynn Bracken, it states that Lynn agreed "to go under the knife to look like a movie star" when, if anybody at EW had actually watched the movie, Lynn tells Bud in no uncertain terms that she's really a brunette but "the rest is me".


3) The header on Sharon Stone's entry says 'Catherine Tramell' and the content waxes poetic about the uncrossed legs on 'Catherine Trammel'. It's one or the other but certainly Catherine used grander plans than fucking about with the spelling of her name to ensnare Michael Douglas.

What do they teach in schools these days, hmmm?

April 23, 2008

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?
Created by OnePlusYou

I know you're all surprised as holy fuck, right?
Me? A potty mouth?

I blame CSI and their kinky sex shows. Because otherwise I am a bastion of purity.

April 21, 2008

Your Weekly Catherine

Week Fifteen

With 'Fur and Loathing' CSI examined the strange new world of furries and plushies, boldly going where no mainstream TV procedural had gone before. Given how highly memorable and quirky that episode proved to be - digging into the collective audience subconscious with sexy kitty claws - it should come as no surprise that our intrepid investigators soon found themselves embroiled in another oddly sexual case. I referenced this episode in the bites for the 'Fur and Loathing' post but a simple reference can't truly do it justice. They say a picture is worth a thousand words so I present 'King Baby' in visual format:

Paraphilic Infantilism, according to the omniscient Wikipedia, is "a paraphilia characterized by the desire to wear diapers and be treated as an infant or toddler. One who engages in infantilistic play is known as an adult baby (AB). About one in three adult babies is also a diaper lover (DL), so they are collectively known as AB/DLs. The majority of infantilists are heterosexual males." Voila! 'King Baby'. Perhaps Catherine's reaction sums it all up rather tidily:

Hey, different strokes for different folks but arriving at the scene of the rather messy homicide of a feared Vegas casino mogul only to stumble into an adult-sized nursery complete with a giant crib and XL bottles of actual breast milk would render even the most hardened CSI rather speechless. Not only did 'King Baby' one-up the furries with adult diaper play but it gave us the following sparkling dialogue to boot...

(Nick holds up a nursing gown)
Nick: Hey, maybe we're looking for the hand that rocks the cradle.
Catherine: I think that Bruce just wanted the same thing as every other guy.
Grissom: Nurturing?
Catherine: Easy access.

And this...

(Nick picks up a pacifier)
Nick: I just don't get it, man.
Grissom: What, you never had a transitional object when you were a kid? A stuffed animal or a blanket?
Nick: No. I mean, I had a wooby, but who didn't?
(Catherine starts to smile)
Warrick: Oh, is that that blue thing that's in your locker?

And let's not forget this...

Grissom: I was wondering, do you carry adult diapers?
Madge: Oh, we sure do. What are you, about a 34, 36?
(Nick tries to keep from laughing)
Grissom: Well, they're not for me.
Madge (to Nick): Oh. Well, aren't you lucky to have such a nice daddy?

I don't pretend to know much about infantilism beyond what 'King Baby' and Wikipedia have taught me so I probably don't have the most well-rounded picture of it in my mind. But I admit that it makes for one hell of a CSI episode. The bizarre sexual fantasy episodes aren't necessarily the best but they're often the most memorable.