March 1, 2008

Things I've Learned Today.
Or At Least Very Recently.

1. No matter how old you get you will always be your parents' child.

2. Too much of a good thing can make you ill. Like chocolate. And men.

3. Family is best in small controlled doses and also, if possible, from afar.

4. Torch and I both think Tilda Swinton is awesome.

5. Just this morning I developed a girl crush on Catherine O'Hara. The total is now at eight, for those of you counting at home.

February 29, 2008

Today's Best Headline:

Casting Director Asks for "Inbred"-Looking Extras, Is Fired

Trust me, you don't need to read the story attached. It's all there. The only missing detail is that it took place in West Virginia.


February 27, 2008

Your Weekly Catherine

Week Seven

Catherine is cool
I don't care what Torch says.
She could kick his ass anyway
in a dozen slick ways.

He doesn't like her
that much is quite clear,
but who cares because I do
and I'm in charge here.

February 26, 2008

The Oscars were last night... no, the night before. Maybe the night before that. Well what-the-fuck-ever. I've been a bit out of touch. I've been in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere on the South Island with Balthazar and my parents. Did you know that Hollywood actually cannot penetrate the ruggedly raw beauty of sweeping central New Zealand nature? It's fantastic! But I'm back now and I suppose it's sort of my civic duty to report on the Oscars. I usually pay attention to things of the sort so it'd feel hypocritical to skip this year. Unlike other years, however, I could give two fucks what everybody was wearing because almost nobody of import attends these things anymore unless they're nominated. So in a grand departure from other Oscar reports I shall merely detail who won what of the big awards and then show you the two pictures of actresses I do care about in Oscar-related things.

Best Picture
No Country for Old Men

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard for La Mome (or La Vie En Rose depending on where you live)

Best Supporting Actor
Javier Bardem for No Country for Old Men

Best Supporting Actress
Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton

Best Director

Joel and Ethan Coen for No Country for Old Men

Best Original Screenplay
Diablo Cody for Juno

Best Original Score

Dario Marianelli for Atonement

Best Makeup
Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald for La Mome

Best Costume Design
Alexandra Byrne for Elizabeth: The Golden Age

And now, the only two people attending either the Oscars or Oscar-related events who factor into the VampireNomad's vast repertoire of girl crushes and pop culture fixations:

Tilda Swinton on the Academy Award red carpet.
A clever person once said of Tilda, "Tilda Swinton ALLOWS lesser actresses to live" and really it's hard to argue with that. She is the only actor to ever truly get away with breaking the fourth wall by directly addressing the camera without it miring the film in parody or cheese. (In Orlando, in case you're wondering.) She was Jadis, the White Witch, the self-proclaimed Queen of fucking Narnia. She possesses a staggering and androgynous beauty that does not rely on product or fuss. And she can play men or women with equal aplomb. (Again, the aforementioned Orlando in which she spontaneously changes gender half-way through and it just... works.)

Sharon Stone at Elton John's post-Oscar party.
Around these parts Sharon Stone needs no introduction. My adoration of her knows no bounds and can survive any derision. To wit, however, only La Stone could dress like a waiter and out-glam everyone in the room. She is a Crazy/Fabulous Empress Extraordinaire. She can wear rabbit's feet as accessories and I just have to live with it. She can wear white before or after Labour Day as she pleases. She is Sharon Stone and she will wear a zebra print suit to a pre-Oscars party and then wear the above Dior maitre d' suit to a post-Oscars bash all while never having attended the ceremony and you can't stop her. She is Sharon Stone and we are just living in her world.

I have no beefs with the winners this year. Not that I had a film or actor I was actively campaigning for or anything but I am satisfied with the selections. Tilda Swinton is just plain amazing. Even though I admittedly drifted off in the final quarter of La Mome, Marion Cotillard's transformation into Edith Piaf was sensational and absolute. I loved No Country for Old Men and think it should be showered with praise. And I learned long ago not to argue with Daniel Day-Lewis supporters because he can do no wrong in their eyes and anyway the man really only ever makes a film once every four years or something and he's always quite good. So really my only complaint at all would be the fact that Jessica Alba hosted the scientific and technical awards when she likely doesn't know what science even is or how to spell it.

I didn't watch the show, of course. I'm not a sucker for that much punishment. I just read about it after the fact. Though now that I think about it, I have to question how one can have a major Hollywood awards ceremony that does not include Anjelica Huston, Meryl Streep, Sigourney Weaver, or Glenn Close and that omits Brad Renfro from the In Memoriam segment. I DON'T LIKE CHANGE! WHO ARE THESE YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPERS WITH THEIR LOUD MUSIC AND THEIR MOTOR VEHICLES WALKING ON MY LAWN? *shakes fist* I'm such a geezer when it comes to Hollywood. I like the old school. Why on earth was Miley Cyrus a presenter this year? Am I supposed to know who she is? I mean other than being the daughter of a one-hit wonder from my high school years? KIDS THESE DAYS!