September 27, 2007

I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.

September 26, 2007

I know you've always wanted to be a Baldwin brother and now I can point you in the direction of a website that offers the very next best thing. Baldwinization. For the right fee anything is possible.

Don't miss the description for The Alec or the FAQ page.

The internet. Where dreams become reality.

September 24, 2007

Last night as Balthazar and I were re-watching GalaxyQuest (it's a favorite for when we're, um, really tired because it's even funnier then), I suddenly realized it was about me. Well, specifically this part of it...

Brandon's Mom: Where are you going with those fireworks?
Brandon: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole, and it, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which, you guys know, is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.
Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right, dinner's at seven.

I elbowed Balthazar and squealed, "OMIGOD, that was totally me when I was growing up! I DID THAT! My poor parents." Balthazar just looked at me and shook his head. Man, it's sad to realize that if Patrick Stewart had ever contacted me over a mistakenly-switched communicator and said that Star Trek: TNG wasn't just a TV show but was all real, my reaction would have been "I KNEW IT!" just like Brandon's was. I was an enormous dork growing up.

Who am I kidding? I'm still an enormous dork. And this comes as a surprise to exactly none of my friends. I'm really the only person I've been fooling all these years.

By the way, I wore my Team Zissou beanie the other day and I felt inexplicably powerful in it. Like I could confidently have piloted a sub into the ocean deeps and identified five or six previously unknown species of marine life, no problem. Rusty, if you ever make it out this way you totally have to get a Team Zissou beanie so we can chart the waters of Wellington harbor to an eclectic soundtrack together. We'll be like Steve and Klaus. Balthazar can be like Eleanor Zissou: the sane one who mostly stays out of pirate attacks and random rescue expeditions but ensures that there are funds available for Team Zissou beanies when needed.