December 2, 2006

You may all be happy to know that my obligatory immigration-related chest x-ray findings have come back to me and they're good. "Heart size and mediastinal contours are within normal limits. The lungs and pleural spaces are clear. No active disease seen in the lungs."

Good, eh? If I knew what mediastinal contours were I'd probably be doubly relieved that mine are within normal limits. And coming up to the Christmas season it's always nice to know that my heart is not two sizes too small. (Otherwise known as "Grinchy".) If Kimdianna wants to employ Wikipedia to figure out what pleural spaces are we could all celebrate those being clear too. I'm too lazy. Which goes to show that it isn't through any active design on my part that my lungs are disease-free. Sure, I'm a non-smoker NOW. But I wasn't always so smart. Kids, just say no to smoking. And, um, drugs. And probably sex and rock'n'roll just to be on the safe side. I'm not a parent (nor do I aspire to be one) so I'm just shooting in the dark here but I'm fairly certain anything that junkies, aging rockers, or hippies subscribe to as religion is actively bad for you. Keep your pleural spaces clear.

Other things not related to chest x-rays that you may nonetheless still be happy to know are:

Gina Gershon has finished recording her upcoming album.

My birthday next year falls on a Saturday here in New Zealand.

Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll
is still filming and now Tilda Swinton is also attached to the project.

Vegetarian cheese is very tasty.

I can now easily identify the constellation Orion in the night sky.

November 30, 2006

Tomorrow, while everybody else is slaving away in the debilitating sameness of work or school, I get to go to the doctor!

THE EXCITEMENT! THE SHEER UNBRIDLED EXCITEMENT!

I get to have a full medical exam (complete with chest x-ray and blood work) in honor of my newest immigration application: residency. I know, I just did all this six months ago for the work visa I'm on right now (my third - memories) but because I'm now applying for residency I get to do it all over again! Isn't that too too exciting? I love peeing in little plastic cups! Hell, I wish I could do it every Friday! Bring on the needles, man! X-ray me! Test my reflexes! Make me stick out my tongue! Quiz me on the health of my family members!

But actually, despite all the raucous fun, its quite a serious thing. If I'm not found to be of an "acceptable standard of health", I could be denied residency and booted out of the country. So if I'm a danger to public health, likely to pose a significant cost or demand on New Zealand health or special education services, or unable to perform the functions for which I've been granted entry... well... not to put too fine a point on it, I'm fucked.

I think I'll be okay. I mean, I've had this job since May and haven't had any difficulty "performing the functions" unless you count nodding off out of boredom. Still, these medical exams are no joke. To the tune of $350. That is not funny money, friends.

But I think the perks still far outweigh the disadvantages. Sure it's a bit costly but can you really put a pricetag on fun? Should all thrills be cheap ones? I think not. You only live once, you know? Treat yourself to the best, only the best in entertainment. Get the FULL medical! Don't skimp on pleasure. And ask for the wooden tongue depressor too. Go wild.

So anyway, that's what I have planned for tomorrow.

Then afterwards I plan to run rampant abusing my health and imposing significant demands on New Zealand's health services. HeeheeheeWHEEE!!