October 19, 2006

Fifteen Lines from The Lord of the Rings Improved by Substituting One Word with "Pants"

Witch King: Do not come between the Nazgul and his pants.

Elrond: You're outnumbered, Aragorn. You need more pants.

Gothmog: The Age of pants is over. The Time of the Orc has come.

Witch King: Feast on his pants.

Gandalf: Not at the towers! Aim for the pants! Kill the pants! Bring them down!

Gimli: Bad Idea. Very handy in a tight pants, these lads, despite the fact they're dead.

Aragorn: I have wished you pants since first I saw you.

Aragorn: I do not fear pants.

Gimli: Certainty of death. Small chance of pants. What are we waiting for?

Legolas: The pants are restless, and the men are quiet.

Gimli: They had no pants in life. They have none now in death.

Aragorn: Behold! The pants of Elendil!

Sam: Then let us be rid of pants... once and for all.

Elrond: I give pants to men.

Legolas: Something stirs in the East. A pantsless malice.

(Torch, buddy, this one's for you!)