April 26, 2006

Today in Breaking News... BRITNEY SPEARS IS PREGNANT AGAIN!

You know, I remember a time when Breaking News meant that the shuttle Challenger had blown up after launch, or that the East/West Germany division was no more as the wall came tumbling down, or that the Hutu/Tutsi conflict in Rwanda had exploded into genocide. Now it means that a used-to-be popstar is going to procreate. Again.

*blank stare*

Times, they are a-changin. In keeping with the New News Order that has apparently been instigated behind my back, I offer up this politically-charged and currently relevant tidbit: Star Trek is being resurrected on the Big Screen. J.J. Abrams of Lost and Alias fame is set to produce and the proposed plot has something to do with Kirk and Spock's last days at Starfleet Academy and first real mission together. Yes, "Trek 90210". Because you couldn't come up with something less cliche than an 80s Spelling reference to express your disgust? Come on, people. We are educated masses. Surely we can voice our disapproval in more appropriate terms. Though admittedly I am curious to see how Abrams can work a random polar bear sighting into the Trek franchise. And re-casting Leonard Nimoy and the inimitable William Shatner ought to make for some hilarious DVD extra features. But I digress.

In other news, I suppose by the New News Order terminology this would be referred to as Entertainment News, the White House is putting increasing pressure on NATO and world leaders to take an aggressive stance against Iranian nuclear development despite the very real possibility that such a stance could require Bush to undertake a nuclear strike against Iran facilities to back his position. Either way we have Iran with nuclear capability further unsettling the Middle East or a post-nuclear-strike Iran with a hard-on for revenge against America and American troops only a tactical skirmish away in Iraq. Both scenarios point largely to war unless you're reading a version of truth that doesn't involve the words "nuclear", "Bush", and "Iran". In which case I want some of what you're on.

This New News Order is ass backwards if you ask me.

I'm thinking Breaking News should be reserved for issues that could end up with many of us dead or dying from nuclear fallout. Of course if the prospect of nuclear war doesn't frighten you as tidily as it should, consider this: the more attention you pay to Britney Spears, the more you facilitate Kevin Federline's once and future "music career".

Celebrities are like bright shiny things and we are a bunch of macaws. I think we're being played.