August 11, 2005

This is the poster I have on my wall. Except in my version Marton Csokas' face has been superimposed overtop of Orlando Bloom's and the name MARTON CSOKAS in bold-face type has been set overtop of ORLANDO BLOOM. Because... I can. Because Eliza is a photoshop genius. Because Orlando had all of two expressions through the movie but Marton was GENIUS GENIUS GENIUS. The part where he says "SPEEEEEEAK!" and sort of arrogantly tosses his goblet away after he becomes king is probably one of my favorite moments. You have to see it to understand.

The other day I was walking down the hill to work (everywhere in Wellington is either up a hill or down a hill and usually in gale-force winds) and I stopped and stared out over the distant sparkling waters of the ocean and looked at the towers of Lambton Quay glistening in the noonday sunlight and I thought "GODDAMN MY LIFE IS GREAT". Which has nothing whatsoever to do with either Orlando or Marton. Unless I make some Hallmark-esque analogy to me currently living in the kingdom of heaven that only a soul-deep content can evoke.

Which would be crap.

It's really windy out! Walking back up the hill isn't half as inspiring as walking down it. Down there is a view. And it's also downhill. Go figure. Up there is no view except the endless continually upward slope of the pavement.

I should get back to work.

*presses the button on Gollum's rock*
"Good Smeagol."

August 8, 2005

Am I supposed to be able to identify with one of the weird children in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Are each of the kids meant to represent a specific, though admittedly exaggerated, stereotype of humanity? If so, I'm kind of offended. Because I've never been rich and wildly spoiled like Veruca though I am pretty demanding at times. And I've never been stupidly driven to succeed in everything like Violet though I am actually living exactly the dream I set out to live when I left home. I've never eaten to excess like Augustus but having an addicition isn't really that different from being a giant fat-ass kid with chocolate stains on his face when you get down to it. And I've never been a total video-game smartass know-it-all like Mike though of course I am pretty clever and did get obsessed with the LOTR:ROTK game once I discovered I could play as Leggy and level up to Faramir. I think everybody is supposed to want to be Charlie. Good-hearted, generous, unspoiled, pleasant-natured, polite, smart, sweet, perfect Charlie. *gags* But... I mean... there are maybe TWO adjectives in that list that could describe me MAYBE. Charlie is boring the way most heroes are boring. They're too good to be true. But the other kids are repulsive to the Nth degree. There are elements of all these kids in all of us but hopefully not to the appalling levels on display here. So really I guess the one I identify most with is Willy Wonka. He's weird. He lives entirely in a world of his own fancy and creation. He doesn't particularly like children. He's got style and wit. He could be construed as a villain without proper PR intervention. And one day he decides to leave it all to some precocious youngster because he's made his fortune and done his share of work and he'll be DAMNED if he's not gonna go reap some freakin benefits!

So I just answered my own question right there. I love that.

I'm apparently like Willy Wonka. Well, either that or an Oompa-Loompa. Which brings me to my next question, actually. Are Oompa-Loompas ancestors of Hobbits? You know, the last surviving link to the Shire miraculously saved by Willy Wonka (who is clearly a descendant of crazy-mad Denethor) and put to work making sweets and/or working a Longbottom Leaf grow-op on the side?

I need to get out more.