July 23, 2004

***Vampire's Note: This entry is more a work of personal interest than anything else and is dedicated to River Selkie whose curiosity on the subject inspired it. Enjoy.***

Elladan and Elrohir
The Twin Stars of Imladris


"[T]wo tall men, neither young nor old. So much alike were they, the sons of Elrond, that few could tell them apart: dark-haired, grey-eyed, and their faces elven-fair, clad alike in bright mail beneath cloaks of silver-grey."
~ JRR Tolkien, Return of the King; The Passing of the Grey Company

Elladan and Elrohir didn't make it into Peter Jackson's gorgeous movie trilogy. For whatever reason - likely an already immense cast and expansive script - they were edited out. For anybody who hasn't read the books, they won't be missed. Jackson did a marvelous job of doling out roles to other characters in a seamless fashion. (Witness Arwen's rescue of Frodo in Fellowship instead of Glorfindel.) If you are a lover of the Tolkien masterpieces and, like me, an especial lover of elves, however, the twins are a glaring oversight. They don't speak much in the books but their presence is felt keenly throughout Return of the King.

Elladan and Elrohir were born to Lord Elrond of Rivendell and his Lorien wife Celebrian, daughter of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. Identical twins, Elladan is nonetheless slightly older than Elrohir. Not much is known of the back history of the twins except that they are older than their sister Arwen and largely inseparable. They come into sharp focus at the point in history when their mother Celebrian, while journeying from Rivendell to visit her parents in Lothlorien, was captured and held captive by orcs. Elladan and Elrohir rode out to rescue her and succeeded, but not until she had suffered greatly at the hands of the orcs. Elrond healed his wife of her physical wounds but her emotional pain would prove too great. The next year she chose to leave Middle-Earth and sailed to the Undying Lands in the West. The twins bore a keen hatred for orcs because of their mother's suffering and would frequently ride with the Dunedain of the North to battle the creatures. In this way Aragorn, when he had come to live in Rivendell, grew to ride often with the brothers and from them learned much of the ways of hunting and war.

The twins next come into focus during the events of the War of the Ring, or the story that everyone is most familiar with as it's the focus of The Lord of the Rings. Elladan and Elrohir rode to meet Aragorn in Rohan, bearing counsel from their father Elrond and wishing to join in the fight. They were present in the Paths of the Dead and later fought at the Battle of Pellenor Fields where Tolkien says they rode with "stars on their brow". After this the brothers fade more or less into literary oblivion. Nothing is known of their ultimate fate though Tolkien does note that a few years after the destruction of the Ring, Elrond sailed into the West and the Third Age came to an end. The twins did not sail with him. Like Arwen they were half-elven and would have had the choice to live as immortal elf-kind or to remain in Middle-Earth as mortals and die. Though Tolkien doesn't tell what they ultimately chose we know they remained in Rivendell after the sailing of their father and can say with certainty that whatever one chose the other would as well, for the two were not often apart.

Since Elladan and Elrohir were not written into the films there are no photos of what they may have looked like. We know they were identical and Tolkien describes them as dark-haired and grey-eyed. But beyond that things are left largely to our imagination. There are a great many people with artistic talent who have rendered their versions of how the Imladris brothers may have appeared and to give you some idea, a handful of the better ones follow.


Elladan


And Elrohir. These aren't my favorite images but they are plausible. (And a far sight better than the wide-eyed chibis of the twins that are rampant on the web.)


Elrohir. I love this sketch. Again, who can say? But there's something very noble and undeniably sexy about this version of Elrohir that appeals to me.


Elladan and Elrohir. The twins are usually pictured in each other's arms and you'll have to chalk that up to brotherly love since Tolkien wasn't swayed by internet lustiness or Secret Diaries like everybody else is. I must say this version of them vaguely resembles Orlando Bloom so obviously it's one of my favorites.

Whatever Elladan and Elrohir may have looked like will now live eternally in our imaginations. Though they didn't make the film cut, they will ever be integral parts of book canon and truly one can't speak of Rivendell and the house of Elrond without noting the twin princes.

July 22, 2004

Let's pause to celebrate Peter Jackson's brilliant attention to Elven detail in The Lord of the Rings, shall we? Are you aware of just how many Elves who barely registered onscreen nonetheless had full identities and roles to play? Probably not. But I am because I've delved headlong into Elf lore. (Some may call it obsession but those people... uh... just know me really well. *grin*) Let me introduce you to the Elves you didn't know you'd already seen.

The Unsung Cinematic Elf Heroes


Saelbeth.
An Elven Councilor. He's pretty.


Erestor.
Lord Elrond's chief advisor. He's prettier. Wow.


Figwit.
Figwit sat silently at Elrond's Council but got A LINE in Return of the King. Thus putting him on a par with the great Celeborn himself.


Rumil.
Member of the Galadhrim. Protector of Lothlorien. Brother to Haldir.


Orophin.
See above. The third of the three brothers. And you thought HALDIR was haughty?


Gil-Galad.
Also known as The Prologue Elf. Not to be confused with the Prologue Elven Warrior who has his very own fansite. Gil-Galad was a great Elf lord who was unfortunately slain in the FIRST last alliance of men and Elves. Or, if you prefer, the battle in which Sauron lost bodily form and Isildur refused to destroy the damn Ring.


Calaglin.
Elf of Lorien. So probably one of Haldir's lackeys. Go Haldir!


Dinendal.
Silent Scout. Or so says his Decipher card. If he looks familiar it's because he's also Erestor. Challenging dual role.


Galdor.
Councilor from the West. Not the Undying West. Just the West. He arrived at the Council of Elrond with Legolas.


Golradir.
Councilor of Imladris. Well I suppose Elrond had to have a lot of councilors in order to pad the Council in his favor. I've got to admit if it's a toss-up between Erestor advising me and Golradir counciling me, I'm all Erestor's.


Fereveldir.
Also known as the Prologue Elven Warrior. Yup, he's got his own action figure.


Silinde.
Elf of Mirkwood. So I'm guessing another of Legolas' traveling companions. I must say our fair princeling traded up in the buddy department when he joined with Aragorn and Boromir.

You have to love Peter Jackson's scrupulous detailing. I mean most of these Elves can only be seen in freeze frame. But they've got names and roles to play. Not to mention Decipher cards. That's what makes the trilogy so fabulous. The fact that even the extras weren't just extras. They were vital pieces of the overall whole. My only beef with all of this? (And there's not much to beef about when we're discussing Elves, I assure you.) But there is one thing...

ALL THESE ELVES AND HE COULDN'T HAVE ADDED ELLADAN AND ELROHIR?

The Imladris twins were shafted. They got the royal heave-ho. They were friends of Aragorn, sons of Elrond, brothers of Arwen, warriors, princes... but no. Every councilor this side of the Misty Mountains got his day on film but Elladan and Elrohir, the grey-eyed twins of Rivendell, were relegated to Tom Bombadil status. That is to say, they were written out. *tears up* I'll be okay... just... give me a moment.

July 21, 2004

Fellowship of the Rings Lego Style


Gil-Galad: You may remember me from the prologue... or not...


Frodo: Bilbo left me a purty purty ring.


Gandalf: ACK! EVIL! Get rid of it!


Sam: I go where you go, Mister Frodo. Don't look at me like that.


Strider: Are you scared, wee ones? NOT NEARLY SCARED ENOUGH!


Arwen: I'll save you, Frodo. I laugh in the face of Nazgul.


Glorfindel: Role-stealing hussy.


Elrond: I'm Elrond, this is my council. That ring will be our DOOM. Get it the hell out of my pad. Throw it in Mount DOOM.


Pippin: We're coming too. To wherever we're going. Is there a buffet?


Legolas: I am so much prettier not as Lego.


Saruman: MWAHAHAHA! Die in Moria you useless peons. I'll take over Middle-Earth with my Uruk-hai death squad while you're busy prancing in the dark.


Uruk-hai: Blast it, Saruman, why do I not have a HEAD? Stupid genetic manipulation...


Merry: NOOOOOOOOO!!! GANDAAAAAAALF!!!


Haldir: You can't come in! Only kidding, you can. I just wanted more lines than Celeborn.


Celeborn: Nine there were set forth from Rivendell yet eight I see before me. Where is Gandalf for I very much desire to speak w--


Galadriel: Ignore him. I'm in charge here. And I say rings of power are bad news. So rest, look in my mirror, take my presents, then get the hell out.


Uruk-hai: Grrawr! Grab the hobbits! Arrrggh!


Boromir: ACK! I'm dead! Curses.


Aragorn: Let's hunt some Orc! And stop calling me Strider.

The End

July 19, 2004

Dear Valued Employee of The Company:
 
Thank you for participating in the Workplace Lottery that you were automatically entered in upon completion of your Workday Journal.  Unfortunately you didn't win the monogrammed steak knives.  Better luck next time!
 
However, in regards to your Workday Journal, we do have a few questions we require clarification on in order to best evaluate how to fire your ass without recrimination  further direct your career path with The Company.  If you could just clear up these few nagging details, we're sure your bonus might possibly be considered in the next decade or so.
 
1.  47 minutes per day were allotted for climbing the stairs.  Is this an accurate tally?
2.  You spent roughly an hour each day with a client named Legolas Greenleaf.  We can't seem to find record of Mr. Greenleaf's account with us. 
3.  Every Thursday you appear to have a block of 83 minutes unaccounted for. 
4.  Though we appreciate your adherence to accuracy, there was no need to allot 77 minutes each day for "tracking the pointless minutae of my day in this damn journal".
5.  Is Vampire-Pondering a new function of the system or something exclusive to your location?
6.  Eavesdropping is not technically a crime to the best of our knowledge though we do note you spent 39 minutes reporting said crime to the police daily. 
7.  Chair spinning...?  If you could clarify.
 
Once again, we appreciate your prompt reply to this letter.  We here at The Company value each and every employee in our care and as such, Valued Employee, we look forward to continued fiscal gain and stock option expansion due to your productivity. 
 
Sincerely,
 
The Company

July 18, 2004

Turn up your speakers, pretty mortals!  This one'll slay you... (sorry, little vampire humor there)... 
  
I've gotta have more cowbell. 
  
via blarg - thanks blargy!
It's like walking on the surface of the sun outside.  It's like walking on the surface of the sun where every step I take echoes with the boom of thunder. 
 
I AM GODDESS.  I ROAM THE FIERY SUN-PLAIN AND SCATTER THUNDER WHERE I TROD.  FEAR ME, MORTALS!  LOOK UP IN AWE AND FEAR ME!!  MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
 
This is what happens when weather collides with my psyche.