June 11, 2004

Last but definitely not least...

Very Secret Diaries of Troy

Agamemnon of Greece, King of Kings

Day One
With Thessaly good and conquered all of Greece is under my control. MINEMINEALLMINE!! MWAHAHAHA!! Now where else can I extend my Dark Overlord Dictatorship Reach of Doom... uh, noble rule?

Also, I hate Achilles.

Day Two
Not at war.

Day Three
Not at war.

Day Four
Not at war.

Day Five
Still not at war.
Am thinking of conquering the tub of Rocky Road in the palace cooler.

Day Six
Not at war.

Day Seven
Helen left Menelaus for some fairy princeling from Troy. Does this mean...??
Yay! WAR!

Downside: Achilles.

Day Eight
Gathering ships for war.

Day Nine
Sailing to war.

Day Ten
Soon Troy will be mine. MINEMINEALLMINE!!

Day Eleven
Prep for war.

Day Twelve
Menelaus killed. TO WAR!

Will take Achilles' girl to calm nerves.

Day Thirteen
Retreat? From war?

Day Fourteen
Surprise attack. WAR!

Patroclus killed. Does this mean...?

Day Fifteen
Hector dead. That's the beauty of war. WARWARWARWAR.

Day Sixteen
Cannot believe the nerve of that pouty-lipped, blonde-streaked, cousin-kissing, pain in my ass Achilles. No war for twelve days? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PEACE CRAP??

Day Seventeen
Not at war.

Day Eighteen
Not at war.

Day Nineteen
Not at war. Odysseus is building a giant horse. This better not be arts and crafts night or by gods heads will roll.

Day Twenty
Not at war.

Day Twenty-One
Not at war. Am hugely bored. Thinking of conquering own army on the sly.

Day Twenty-Two
Not at war.

Day Twenty-Three
Not at war.

Day Twenty-Four
Not at war.

Day Twenty-Five
Not at war. Moving thousand ships to "secret cove" proving very tedious. Pretty sure cove only secret if you're blind.

How long till Troy is mine?

Day Twenty-Six
Still not at war.

Day Twenty-Seven
Not at war. How I hate Achilles.

Day Twenty-Eight
Not at war but had great time shoving Achilles into horse's ass.

Day Twenty-Nine
WAR!! Beautiful ransacking, burning, blood-letting, screaming, murderous war! TROY IS MINEMINEALLMINE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Wait. Is that my blood?

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