December 9, 2003

I have a new stereo.

It's for my pod at work. The office was renovated and I was sort of fired-and-rehired-in-a-sideways-not-quite-promotion that requires me to take ownership of one of the brand-spanking new upstairs pods. In the Dilbert days we called them cubicles. Little pastel squares shipped directly from the outer ring of hell to your office. Now called pod. Pod sounds better. From a corporate perspective I can't imagine why since the word reminds me of cocooning. Which is not an encouraged form of self-expression at work. But to be a pod person appeals to me in some twisted sense. I mean if I must have a cubed slice of hell to call my very own, at least let me pretend I'll emerge from it as either a pea or a very square-eyed alien.

Back to the stereo. My roommate sprung it from it's box and is currently teaching it to be a good stereo. This involves introducing it to a complicated playlist of rock and punk songs at varying volumes. Training your stereo is the first and most important task of any new stereo owner. You don't want your stereo to become willful. You don't want it to be influenced by other pods and their easy-listening trash talk. Immediate and proper instruction in the musical arts is the only way to ensure that it finds it's niche as a loyal stereo for years to come. My roommate's method is precise, delicately nuanced, and foolproof.

The Nobodies Marilyn Manson
Forsaken The Queen of the Damned soundtrack (sung by David Draiman of Disturbed)
Y'all Want A Single KoЯn
Punk Rock Girl Prey for Rock and Roll soundtrack (sung by Gina Gershon)
Battle Without Honor or Humanity Kill Bill Volume One soundtrack
Sands' Theme Once Upon A Time In Mexico soundtrack (written by Johnny Depp)

A similarly creative and daring formula of your own will rein in your stereo's more insipid desires and release it's inner rock god. The last thing you want to hear from your new stereo is a Michael Bolton retrospective.

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