October 30, 2003

One day the dolphins will rise up out of the sea and take control of this vicious human-dominated world.

Dolphins are quite likely the smartest animal in the vast creature kingdom we like to think we rule. It is my personal belief that they suffer our errant stupidity and rampant cruelty with a strained sort of patience. Eventually they will band together as arranged through their melodic clicking mantras and churn the seas into a Poseidon-like frenzy that will allow them access to all our ports. We will flail and explosions from our delicate technology will set off chain reactions through our temperamental cities. When the buildings crumble, the sea beds will rise and the dolphins will conquer us. Then they will build great underwater malls with little glass arboreal domes in the centre of each. They will pump in air and imprison those of us that survive inside. Then they will swim by, chortling in their own way, peering in with their glittering intelligent eyes, and we will be fed on a strict schedule so that all may watch and applaud in a great rushing of fins in the water. It will be like the West Edmonton Mall. Only in beautiful reverse vindication.

The domes will never spatter red with human blood because dolphins are more capable of seeing the bigger harmonious picture than we are.

This isn't prophetic, mind you, just something I don't necessarily see as science fiction. Or undeserved. And when it happens, if it's in my lifetime, it will be a decidedly unpleasant event because I really am very fond of my life here. I've never in my life killed a dolphin nor would I imagine doing so in my most grim nightmare. But I do eat tuna. Indiscriminately. Thus I am probably an accomplice after the fact to any number of wicked mutilations and deaths. This applies across the board to all species, including great populaces of humans. What you don't know, contrary to popular belief, can kill.

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