September 28, 2003

"You got vat you vanted. Give dese people AIR!"

Ah-nuld. Does it get any better than Ah-nuld on Mars? Um, yes actually. It gets so very much better. But in the pantheon of cheesy movies 'Total Recall' is right up there with, well, just about every other Paul Verhoeven movie ever made. Not to say there aren't some memorable moments in 'Total Recall' ("Vat are you? My fathah?") but nobody watches Paul Verhoeven movies for heart-tugging eye-misting dramatic quality. Honestly it was just a necessary part of my Sharon Stone revival. I watched 'Last Dance' and 'The Muse' this weekend as well. They were both fantastic for completely disparate reasons. One will make you think and maybe cry and one will make you laugh. 'The Muse' = amusement. 'Last Dance' = emotion. Don't confuse them. There's not a lot of comedy on death row. Sharon Stone is fabulous in both of them though now that I've heard her infamous "You know how much I hate this FUCKING PLANET" line, I must say 'Total Recall' is at least up there with 'Driven' in all-time great cheese moments for me.

Speaking of 'Driven' (dear god, were we?), did you know Hollywood has gone and made a prequel? No, Sly's not in it. Neither is Gina. Perhaps I should be more specific. Prequel isn't quite the right word. More like PREprequel. It's called 'Kart Racer'. Or, as I like to refer to it, 'Driven Jr'. It's 'Driven' as seen through the riveting eyes of fourteen year old kart racers. Featuring a whole lot of kids who probably have unrequited crushes on the Olsen twins, have never heard of 'Total Recall', and also Randy Quaid.

No, I'm not recommending it. Didn't you read the first paragraph? I'm recommending 'Last Dance' and 'The Muse'.

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